11 June, 2008

Killing Zack

Waxy Dan writes with alarming earnestness about the best weapons to use against zombies. Let's face it, everybody's talking about it. And so will I.

Waxy debates the virtues and faults of the sledgehammer, baseball bat and hand-axe, as best weapon, not for mass zombie clearance, but for survival. He reaches no definitive conclusion, but I feel the answer has been staring us in the face the whole time (as answers are wont to do).

It is the cricket bat.

The traditional cricket bat is made from white willow wood, which is 'tough, light and strong', not easy to dent or smash, and light enough for a man or woman to carry over distances without tiring.

The flat side of the bat could be used for fending off or smacking zed - or two handed, held across the body, as a makeshift plough - and its sharp sides could cleave open zack's headbox.

On the minus side, I'm not sure how good a lever it would be, though I think it would be fine for smasing most windows.

Of course there is no perfect weapon in a battle for survival against the undead, but I think versatility is the key. It's not so much a weapon as a survival tool.

In dire straights, the bat could be the fuel for a life-saving fire, or a splint for a broken leg. (Who knows what kind of scrapes we'll get into once the Zombie Apocalypse begins.)

I've also given some thought as to where to go, once the zed-heads start pouring through our streets. But that's for another post.